Rediscovering my lost passion for guitar

[JazzerEU]

Deleted

[JimmyDunlop]

Hello all,

I have a problem, playing guitar isn’t fun anymore. It hasn’t been since probably 2018. I retired from professional music altogether in 2020. I remember the days when I was in high school and couldn’t wait to come home and pick up the guitar. Now I have to force myself to play and then put the guitar down out of boredom after 20-30 minutes. I’m trying to challenge myself by making chord melody arrangements of the pop music I listen to (more on that later).

My music career was a challenge to say the least. In high school nobody thought I could make it to the All-State Jazz Band and I set out to prove them wrong and prove them wrong I did by making it 3 years in a row. Nobody thought I could get into schools like Miami, NYU, USC, MSM, and Eastman School of Music and was told that I would just go to UC Santa Barbara as a communications major. I proved them wrong against when I was offered a major scholarship to one of those universities (I won’t name for fear for of retribution).

I went to music school and was under fire from day one. I arrived knowing 150 songs and was made fun of and bullied for being a guitarist by other students for knowing so many songs by horn players, bass players, drummers, and pianists knowing 15 songs as freshmen. Us guitarists were treated like absolute trash. We were told by one professor we had no place in jazz and other students were emboldened by his hateful rhetoric and that we’d end up selling insurance. I once again proved them wrong. I was playing the best during my senior year when I had a breakout year. The only people who believed in me were my teachers and my singer friends who were also treated like garbage by the rest of the student body.

During my pro career, the music wasn’t really an issue. The constant backstabbing, bullying, and slander that started at university continued. I was told by older musicians that guitarists had no place accompanying singers or playing chords. I played only played with singers at university because they were the only other musicians who would play with guitarists so my accompaniment chops were and are still high. My chord soloing chops were and are still high because when singers were sick, nobody else wanted to play with guitarists at my university so I would just work on chord melody and chord soloing à la Wes Montgomery. I started catching head from horn players, horn players bassists, drummers and especially pianists for playing chords and accompanying singers because a guitarist had never done that at the level I was doing for a guitarist so a lot of established musicians upped the ante and continued the personal attacks on my family, spreaded falsehoods, and continued the slander to destroy my reputation. The peak of it was in 2018 when I started receiving death threats and a brick was thrown through my window telling me to go back to where I came from. I always treated people with respect and might’ve been the nice guy too my own demise.

Eventually I got fed up with people telling me what I couldn’t do and going out and doing it. I got fed up with the rumors, gossip, and personal attacks and left the country for good. I was able to work with a pop singer in France but the damage was already done. Guitar wasn’t fun. I associated guitar and still associate it with the hostilités and lead thrown my way during my college and professional career. I finally retired 4 years ago and became an English teacher in Spain and my new job is more fulfilling than playing music was.

I would like guitar to be fun again but every time I pick it up I remember all of the crap I had to put up with. I don’t even listen to horn players anymore no matter good are because they remind me of the horn players at university who called me autistic for knowing too many songs and horn players who bullied me in the pros when they said guitarists had no place in jazz. The only jazz musicians I can listen to are my teacher, maybe Wes Montgomery, and jazz vocalists. It all reminds me of how miserable my life was as a musician. Yeah I had amazing music moments with great singers but those pale in number to the hostilities and being under constant fire.

I wonder if either selling or putting my jazz guitar in storage and getting a brighter flat top acoustic plus a chorus pedal and delay would be a good kick with me trying to focus on more pop finger style songs. Perhaps ditching the jazz box altogether might help me start fresh.

I just miss the days when guitar was fun and a safe place from the troubles in my life getting bullied in middle and high school. To me it’s so amazing that as an English teacher my colleagues aren’t hostile and I’m not taking fire and heat from people every day. I love teaching my elementary school students and the curiosity and energy they bring to class and being able to teach them bring me so much joy. I’m happy that I LOVE my job as an elementary school English teacher.

has anyone else had a similar type of problem where they lost their passion for music? How did you get it back?

you said that they bully you? cause mopre skills? so just ignore them.... they rats and jealous then, that makes them rats.... just ignore them, or you can beat them also, lets see what they say after they got beaten

so i encourage you to follow your goal, doenst matter your age...i think you took the right decission

I also like music, and I ignore comments of unskilled people, eben if they are good comments, so I just focus on what I like
Yes I did, but it takes effort, so you musyt really like

pay attention to the type of titles I have to put, watch the video and read my post till the end . You will find that somehow this is realted to your case.

Dvorak style , classical improvisation
and also jazz in other videos

or composing

i think there is a lot of trash and envy , so one of the key factors is how you deal with all these no sense. So you want to get back and pursue a musical career? or? may I ask your age

Also think about Ytibe as a shithole. Look the type of titles I have to put "You cant beat my guitar" this obv genrate controversy and polemic, but they have a hook, I hate these titles....but the yare a must if you want to get results in terms of views... YT is a big mistake somehow encouragiong trash, t clkickbait thumbnail, clic bait titles, andno sense content, since youtubers need to create content for any reason, they need to post anything just to get views and that makes content to be low, most of the cases. YT is a shithole that encourages trash. I ban most of the channels, that I see that use stupid tiltes, fake thumbnails and ridicoulous content.

[JimmyDunlop]

what i dont udnerstand is why did they start to threat your life ? I have heard about envy and things like that, but never going so far to start doing such things

[Mick-7]

JazzerEU, Sounds to me like you have a mild to moderate case of PTSD (Post Traumatic Stress Disorder), there are effective therapies for it that you may want to investigate. Good luck.

[DawgBone]

At some point all these gigs became like a bad habit and now I am a lifer. It dawned on me a few months ago when I was trying to get a part time dishwashing gig that I have almost a ten year gap in my work history and no one will hire me, not even to scrub plates anymore. And buddy I have scrubbed a lot of plates.

The only time guitar is straight "fun" is when I'm hitting those jams and drinking some beers and hanging with my blues bros. I had a good gig tonight. It was fun once it was over and I played well. Prior to that it was just work.

Be happy for your english job, that's a blessing. Forget, and forgive, those who wronged you in the past. Been there, still struggle with that myself. If guitar still isn't any fun then throw your axe in the Hudson like that dude from yardbird did with his tenor. If it was fun once, it's still fun. You just have to search out what makes it so. Good luck!

[Bop Head]

JazzerEU, Sounds to me like you have a mild to moderate case of PTSD (Post Traumatic Stress Disorder), there are effective therapies for it that you may want to investigate. Good luck.

I would get professional help as well.

I recommend watching videos by and interviews with Peter Levine and Gabor Maté who have successfully helped people overcome trauma.

In those videos they describe the techniques they have successfully used which might help you to find a suiting therapist.

Because of doing a lot of busking recently I discovered the healing power of singing. After singing (in my case very) loud for sometimes five hours almost non-stop my body feels very relaxed and I sometimes even experience the state of an empty mind. Trauma manifests in muscle hardenings and tensions in the body. Crying and Screaming your blues out loosens those tensions. Someone once told me that depression is in reality suppressed aggression. Often we do not accept the existence of agression in us because we like to have a peaceful image of ourselves. Blues shouting (think Big Joe Turner or Etta James) is a constructive way of "letting it all out". And you do not have to do it in public of course.

[frabarmus]

Cherish what you enjoy (teaching English to children)... perhaps play some guitar for them and take on board some of their contageous enthusiasm they show when they hear you play.
Ultimately you don't "have to" go back to guitar playing, unless you enjoy it. When you pick up the guitar just focus on the sensations it gives you and the pleasure, if any, coming from the sounds you make and try to forget about the past and all the disfunctional people who tormented you during your music pro days...
All the best!

[JazzerEU]

Deleted

[JimmyDunlop]

How old are you?

[JazzerEU]

Dl

[JazzerEU]

14

[JimmyDunlop]

Wth man??? Really I thought the Us was a top country. You for sure don't have that in Spain. Not yet at least, but things Will get worsened for sure. What part of Spain are u

[JimmyDunlop]

So in the Us frustrated musicians Just commit vandalism against others?

[DawgBone]

I’m in my early to mid thirties

I decided this morning that by not playing your guitar you're avoiding your true self and then using the dirtbags in your past as an excuse, or perhaps setting that experience up as a mental barrier to your enjoyment of guitar. You wouldn't be here if the english degree was cutting it for you. It's like prayer. Many times we don't want to pray, or don't "feel" like praying, but we do anyways because it is core to our existence. That you went thru university and put up with all that tells me guitar was core to yours and you're leaving a void in your soul somewhere by avoiding. Play guitar, overcome all the haters.

Let me so bold as to suggest you just hit some jams and be the chillest hot licks player in the room looking for other chill dudes to jam with. You don't need any of them so any jerks can be casually ignored. See how your love returns when you surround yourself with good people who appreciate you for you and play for the love of it first and foremost.

[JazzerEU]

14

[JazzerEU]

Dl

[JimmyDunlop]

what city in the US?

[JazzerEU]

Dl

[pamosmusic]

I cannot name this city for fear of retribution against myself or my family in the chance that someone in this forum is a member of or connected to someone of this city. It’s one of the large cities in the US that have slashed police funding leading to high rates of crime and lawlessness.

Oh good lord.

I must admit it’s original, if nothing else.

[RJVB]

what city in the US?

Why, Gotham of course.

Or maybe

[pauln]

I have a problem, playing guitar isn’t fun anymore.

Play the guitar anyway opening yourself to accept (not expect) fun as a gift.
Nothing good comes from only doing fun things for as long as they are fun.

[Bobby Timmons]

So sorry you experienced such discrimination. Your story sounds crazy to me because of how severe and ridiculous it is. However, I'm discriminated so I know this is the reality for some people.

One thing I've learned being discriminated is that being passive all the time is not a good idea. I think of myself as a very kind person, and yet I notice myself sometimes acting or having instincts to act in a way that is bad to other people. Then I tell myself that I'm one of the nicer people. Think how normal it is to act wicked to others for people who are wicked. Evil is innate to some degree in most people so you have to defend yourself if you expect to maintain your well being. You can't counteract all of it, but you can counteract some of it. I think I remember telling you what my response would be when you asked what to do if someone told you as a guitarist you couldn't play chords, I would seriously say 'fuck you.' That's like a joke to me if someone told me what I could and couldn't play unless I'd agreed beforehand. Or you can counterattack things that are just ridiculous by exposing the truth and shame them that way. A lot of times bullies will act using ridiculous false premises so simply telling the truth can shame them and it's silly to let it slide and not attack back. Guitarists have no place in jazz? You must not know much about jazz I'd tell them. I'm autistic because I know a lot of tunes? Maybe you're retarded. Etc.

That said, it is not the victim's fault for 'causing it.' The idea that the victim can be tacitly doing something wrong and this entitles the bullies to bully is pure bs and one of their biggest tactics. The victim is off base for tacitly doing something.. but the bullies aren't off base for going off and fucking with someone for no reason? Yeah sure, that makes sense.

I had some trauma from a hostile/competitive situation with my music mates in college. I overcame music not being fun by taking some time off. But I also told myself that quitting wasn't an option and that I had to figure out a way to keep going with music in my life. Sometimes you have to be scientific about how you are going to make things fun. Think what it is specifically that would make you enjoy music and then literally plan out how to accomplish that. Instead of going, 'music not fun, try to play music, music still not fun, what do?' Etc. That's a good idea about changing up the instrument.

I'm a shameless Open Studio fanboi, but I am going to recommend it again here. I think it would be a really productive experience for you. There is a strict anti-bullying policy and I have literally never experienced anyone being mean. It is all people being nice, and on top of that, the instructors are incredible. You would enjoy the community and improve. It is mostly intermediate students, but there are some advanced and pro players on there too so there's no limit to how much you can challenge yourself and grow musically. If you pay for a year it is $564 which is only $47 a month.

Best wishes with improving things.

[RJVB]

Guitarists have no place in jazz? You must not know much about jazz I'd tell them. I'm autistic because I know a lot of tunes? Maybe you're retarded. Etc.

It strikes me that here too a simple "Jealous much?" would be a perfect way to shrug off most remarks.

I have been on the receiving end of bullying in esp. my first year in 2ndary school, apparently at a degree that I later heard that the teachers were surprised that I survived it without mental damage. I think I just learned to wall myself off from showing any effects that could please the bullies but I also learned not to hesitate to denounce anything that I shouldn't just shrug off.
I remember an incident that cost me most of the books I had with me that day (rented from a school fund), which earned the author a good old-fashioned "copy this book X times by next week" punishment. Early sign of "modern education" principles: one of our teachers thought that was way too severe and proposed that everyone in the class pitch in to help - and everyone was indignant that I not only categorically refused but voiced my disapprobation

Music school was one of my safe havens, but of course I was in a structure catering to the amateur aspect (in the literal sense of the term), where the only competitive drive was with yourself.

Interestingly some of the bullies from later years actually admitted they approached me that way as an "awkward" display of appreciation, and became friends I'm still in (sporadic) contact with.

[pamosmusic]

Can we also agree that bullying in return and using offensive language to describe the person with whom you are in conflict is not an appropriate response to the situation either.

[RJVB]

I think you really need to define "offensive" here. I don't think you can put someone who's being unreasonable in his/her place while remaining polite. They'll need some shaking up, a proverbial slap in the face.
Being obsessively polite can be the right kind of offensive in itself esp. if you know how to chose the words that will be perfectly polite except for the intended recipient and his/her personal context (people from a certain Dutch background can be put against the ceiling, so to speak, but asking if or suggesting that they wear black socks, for instance. Or maybe people not *exactly* from that particular background ).

Here's a somewhat famous though no longer widely known example, probably written in jest but that would be a perfect response to an editor-in-chief bullying authors of a scientific publication in draft:
https://ivo-welch.info/professional/humor-letter.txt

But many bullies won't have the intellectual background to catch this kind of subtlety, I fear. I had reasonable success with "oh, go pester your mother", something I know I'd have found offensive myself (but maybe no longer is).