Rediscovering my lost passion for guitar

[JazzerEU]

Hello all,

I have a problem, playing guitar isn’t fun anymore. It hasn’t been since probably 2018. I retired from professional music altogether in 2020. I remember the days when I was in high school and couldn’t wait to come home and pick up the guitar. Now I have to force myself to play and then put the guitar down out of boredom after 20-30 minutes. I’m trying to challenge myself by making chord melody arrangements of the pop music I listen to (more on that later).

My music career was a challenge to say the least. In high school nobody thought I could make it to the All-State Jazz Band and I set out to prove them wrong and prove them wrong I did by making it 3 years in a row. Nobody thought I could get into schools like Miami, NYU, USC, MSM, and Eastman School of Music and was told that I would just go to UC Santa Barbara as a communications major. I proved them wrong against when I was offered a major scholarship to one of those universities (I won’t name for fear for of retribution).

I went to music school and was under fire from day one. I arrived knowing 150 songs and was made fun of and bullied for being a guitarist by other students for knowing so many songs by horn players, bass players, drummers, and pianists knowing 15 songs as freshmen. Us guitarists were treated like absolute trash. We were told by one professor we had no place in jazz and other students were emboldened by his hateful rhetoric and that we’d end up selling insurance. I once again proved them wrong. I was playing the best during my senior year when I had a breakout year. The only people who believed in me were my teachers and my singer friends who were also treated like garbage by the rest of the student body.

During my pro career, the music wasn’t really an issue. The constant backstabbing, bullying, and slander that started at university continued. I was told by older musicians that guitarists had no place accompanying singers or playing chords. I played only played with singers at university because they were the only other musicians who would play with guitarists so my accompaniment chops were and are still high. My chord soloing chops were and are still high because when singers were sick, nobody else wanted to play with guitarists at my university so I would just work on chord melody and chord soloing à la Wes Montgomery. I started catching head from horn players, horn players bassists, drummers and especially pianists for playing chords and accompanying singers because a guitarist had never done that at the level I was doing for a guitarist so a lot of established musicians upped the ante and continued the personal attacks on my family, spreaded falsehoods, and continued the slander to destroy my reputation. The peak of it was in 2018 when I started receiving death threats and a brick was thrown through my window telling me to go back to where I came from. I always treated people with respect and might’ve been the nice guy too my own demise.

Eventually I got fed up with people telling me what I couldn’t do and going out and doing it. I got fed up with the rumors, gossip, and personal attacks and left the country for good. I was able to work with a pop singer in France but the damage was already done. Guitar wasn’t fun. I associated guitar and still associate it with the hostilités and lead thrown my way during my college and professional career. I finally retired 4 years ago and became an English teacher in Spain and my new job is more fulfilling than playing music was.

I would like guitar to be fun again but every time I pick it up I remember all of the crap I had to put up with. I don’t even listen to horn players anymore no matter good are because they remind me of the horn players at university who called me autistic for knowing too many songs and horn players who bullied me in the pros when they said guitarists had no place in jazz. The only jazz musicians I can listen to are my teacher, maybe Wes Montgomery, and jazz vocalists. It all reminds me of how miserable my life was as a musician. Yeah I had amazing music moments with great singers but those pale in number to the hostilities and being under constant fire.

I wonder if either selling or putting my jazz guitar in storage and getting a brighter flat top acoustic plus a chorus pedal and delay would be a good kick with me trying to focus on more pop finger style songs. Perhaps ditching the jazz box altogether might help me start fresh.

I just miss the days when guitar was fun and a safe place from the troubles in my life getting bullied in middle and high school. To me it’s so amazing that as an English teacher my colleagues aren’t hostile and I’m not taking fire and heat from people every day. I love teaching my elementary school students and the curiosity and energy they bring to class and being able to teach them bring me so much joy. I’m happy that I LOVE my job as an elementary school English teacher.

has anyone else had a similar type of problem where they lost their passion for music? How did you get it back?

[JimmyDunlop]

Hello all,

I have a problem, playing guitar isn’t fun anymore. It hasn’t been since probably 2018. I retired from professional music altogether in 2020. I remember the days when I was in high school and couldn’t wait to come home and pick up the guitar. Now I have to force myself to play and then put the guitar down out of boredom after 20-30 minutes. I’m trying to challenge myself by making chord melody arrangements of the pop music I listen to (more on that later).

My music career was a challenge to say the least. In high school nobody thought I could make it to the All-State Jazz Band and I set out to prove them wrong and prove them wrong I did by making it 3 years in a row. Nobody thought I could get into schools like Miami, NYU, USC, MSM, and Eastman School of Music and was told that I would just go to UC Santa Barbara as a communications major. I proved them wrong against when I was offered a major scholarship to one of those universities (I won’t name for fear for of retribution).

I went to music school and was under fire from day one. I arrived knowing 150 songs and was made fun of and bullied for being a guitarist by other students for knowing so many songs by horn players, bass players, drummers, and pianists knowing 15 songs as freshmen. Us guitarists were treated like absolute trash. We were told by one professor we had no place in jazz and other students were emboldened by his hateful rhetoric and that we’d end up selling insurance. I once again proved them wrong. I was playing the best during my senior year when I had a breakout year. The only people who believed in me were my teachers and my singer friends who were also treated like garbage by the rest of the student body.

During my pro career, the music wasn’t really an issue. The constant backstabbing, bullying, and slander that started at university continued. I was told by older musicians that guitarists had no place accompanying singers or playing chords. I played only played with singers at university because they were the only other musicians who would play with guitarists so my accompaniment chops were and are still high. My chord soloing chops were and are still high because when singers were sick, nobody else wanted to play with guitarists at my university so I would just work on chord melody and chord soloing à la Wes Montgomery. I started catching head from horn players, horn players bassists, drummers and especially pianists for playing chords and accompanying singers because a guitarist had never done that at the level I was doing for a guitarist so a lot of established musicians upped the ante and continued the personal attacks on my family, spreaded falsehoods, and continued the slander to destroy my reputation. The peak of it was in 2018 when I started receiving death threats and a brick was thrown through my window telling me to go back to where I came from. I always treated people with respect and might’ve been the nice guy too my own demise.

Eventually I got fed up with people telling me what I couldn’t do and going out and doing it. I got fed up with the rumors, gossip, and personal attacks and left the country for good. I was able to work with a pop singer in France but the damage was already done. Guitar wasn’t fun. I associated guitar and still associate it with the hostilités and lead thrown my way during my college and professional career. I finally retired 4 years ago and became an English teacher in Spain and my new job is more fulfilling than playing music was.

I would like guitar to be fun again but every time I pick it up I remember all of the crap I had to put up with. I don’t even listen to horn players anymore no matter good are because they remind me of the horn players at university who called me autistic for knowing too many songs and horn players who bullied me in the pros when they said guitarists had no place in jazz. The only jazz musicians I can listen to are my teacher, maybe Wes Montgomery, and jazz vocalists. It all reminds me of how miserable my life was as a musician. Yeah I had amazing music moments with great singers but those pale in number to the hostilities and being under constant fire.

I wonder if either selling or putting my jazz guitar in storage and getting a brighter flat top acoustic plus a chorus pedal and delay would be a good kick with me trying to focus on more pop finger style songs. Perhaps ditching the jazz box altogether might help me start fresh.

I just miss the days when guitar was fun and a safe place from the troubles in my life getting bullied in middle and high school. To me it’s so amazing that as an English teacher my colleagues aren’t hostile and I’m not taking fire and heat from people every day. I love teaching my elementary school students and the curiosity and energy they bring to class and being able to teach them bring me so much joy. I’m happy that I LOVE my job as an elementary school English teacher.

has anyone else had a similar type of problem where they lost their passion for music? How did you get it back?

you said that they bully you? cause mopre skills? so just ignore them.... they rats and jealous then, that makes them rats.... just ignore them, or you can beat them also, lets see what they say after they got beaten

so i encourage you to follow your goal, doenst matter your age...i think you took the right decission

I also like music, and I ignore comments of unskilled people, eben if they are good comments, so I just focus on what I like
Yes I did, but it takes effort, so you musyt really like

pay attention to the type of titles I have to put, watch the video and read my post till the end . You will find that somehow this is realted to your case.

Dvorak style , classical improvisation
and also jazz in other videos

or composing

i think there is a lot of trash and envy , so one of the key factors is how you deal with all these no sense. So you want to get back and pursue a musical career? or? may I ask your age

Also think about Ytibe as a shithole. Look the type of titles I have to put "You cant beat my guitar" this obv genrate controversy and polemic, but they have a hook, I hate these titles....but the yare a must if you want to get results in terms of views... YT is a big mistake somehow encouragiong trash, t clkickbait thumbnail, clic bait titles, andno sense content, since youtubers need to create content for any reason, they need to post anything just to get views and that makes content to be low, most of the cases. YT is a shithole that encourages trash. I ban most of the channels, that I see that use stupid tiltes, fake thumbnails and ridicoulous content.

[JimmyDunlop]

what i dont udnerstand is why did they start to threat your life ? I have heard about envy and things like that, but never going so far to start doing such things

[Mick-7]

JazzerEU, Sounds to me like you have a mild to moderate case of PTSD (Post Traumatic Stress Disorder), there are effective therapies for it that you may want to investigate. Good luck.

[DawgBone]

At some point all these gigs became like a bad habit and now I am a lifer. It dawned on me a few months ago when I was trying to get a part time dishwashing gig that I have almost a ten year gap in my work history and no one will hire me, not even to scrub plates anymore. And buddy I have scrubbed a lot of plates.

The only time guitar is straight "fun" is when I'm hitting those jams and drinking some beers and hanging with my blues bros. I had a good gig tonight. It was fun once it was over and I played well. Prior to that it was just work.

Be happy for your english job, that's a blessing. Forget, and forgive, those who wronged you in the past. Been there, still struggle with that myself. If guitar still isn't any fun then throw your axe in the Hudson like that dude from yardbird did with his tenor. If it was fun once, it's still fun. You just have to search out what makes it so. Good luck!

[Bop Head]

JazzerEU, Sounds to me like you have a mild to moderate case of PTSD (Post Traumatic Stress Disorder), there are effective therapies for it that you may want to investigate. Good luck.

I would get professional help as well.

I recommend watching videos by and interviews with Peter Levine and Gabor Maté who have successfully helped people overcome trauma.

In those videos they describe the techniques they have successfully used which might help you to find a suiting therapist.

Because of doing a lot of busking recently I discovered the healing power of singing. After singing (in my case very) loud for sometimes five hours almost non-stop my body feels very relaxed and I sometimes even experience the state of an empty mind. Trauma manifests in muscle hardenings and tensions in the body. Crying and Screaming your blues out loosens those tensions. Someone once told me that depression is in reality suppressed aggression. Often we do not accept the existence of agression in us because we like to have a peaceful image of ourselves. Blues shouting (think Big Joe Turner or Etta James) is a constructive way of "letting it all out". And you do not have to do it in public of course.

[frabarmus]

Cherish what you enjoy (teaching English to children)... perhaps play some guitar for them and take on board some of their contageous enthusiasm they show when they hear you play.
Ultimately you don't "have to" go back to guitar playing, unless you enjoy it. When you pick up the guitar just focus on the sensations it gives you and the pleasure, if any, coming from the sounds you make and try to forget about the past and all the disfunctional people who tormented you during your music pro days...
All the best!

[JazzerEU]

Thanks for the advice guys. I have zero plans to ever return to professional music. It just sucks to feel like a part of me was taken away but a friend of mine who left professional music once said to me “The music industry always has the last say whether you’re in this s-hole city, the golden beaches of LA or the bustling streets of New York,”

I’m going to take a months long break away from the instrument and see where that leads me.

[JimmyDunlop]

How old are you?

[JazzerEU]

How old are you?

I’m in my early to mid thirties

[JazzerEU]

what i dont udnerstand is why did they start to threat your life ? I have heard about envy and things like that, but never going so far to start doing such things

Where I was working, there weren’t enough police to deal with all of the crime, so a lot of people, not just musicians, felt emboldened to carry out acts of vandalism and theft, making threatening remarks, commit assault with almost no legal repercussions. It’s only gotten worse since the end of the pandemic.

[JimmyDunlop]

Wth man??? Really I thought the Us was a top country. You for sure don't have that in Spain. Not yet at least, but things Will get worsened for sure. What part of Spain are u

[JimmyDunlop]

So in the Us frustrated musicians Just commit vandalism against others?

[DawgBone]

I’m in my early to mid thirties

I decided this morning that by not playing your guitar you're avoiding your true self and then using the dirtbags in your past as an excuse, or perhaps setting that experience up as a mental barrier to your enjoyment of guitar. You wouldn't be here if the english degree was cutting it for you. It's like prayer. Many times we don't want to pray, or don't "feel" like praying, but we do anyways because it is core to our existence. That you went thru university and put up with all that tells me guitar was core to yours and you're leaving a void in your soul somewhere by avoiding. Play guitar, overcome all the haters.

Let me so bold as to suggest you just hit some jams and be the chillest hot licks player in the room looking for other chill dudes to jam with. You don't need any of them so any jerks can be casually ignored. See how your love returns when you surround yourself with good people who appreciate you for you and play for the love of it first and foremost.

[JazzerEU]

My music scene in particular was very hostile and it wasn't until I joined this forum when I retired from professional music when I found out that my city seems to be an anomaly.

In my city, there were/are tactics that people took did/do to undercut their competition. Tire slashing the night before a gig and other types of vandalism on property and gear (especially during breaks) wasn't uncommon. I was on the receiving end of a lot of it until I adopted better security practices. The police was and is for the most part, indifferent to property damage given the spike in homicides and other types of violent bodily crimes in my city and utter lack of police funding.

The most common tactic was psychological warfare and disinformation. If you had a gig that people would want, they would do whatever they deemed as necessary to make you look like a bad person. I got the hell off of social media and was pretty anti-social on gigs because back in those days, anything you said or posted could've been used against you if it was taken out of context.

I keep in touch briefly with a few of the friendly musicians on Signal and they tell me to this day that some musicians in the scene who didn't like me occasionally will ask others if they know where I am and want to know where I am.

All of this was the result of me chord soloing à la Wes Montgomery and accompanying singers and apparently posing a threat to a good number of the established pianists in town who couldn't chord solo in their own right. I asked other people in this forum how they dealt with these hostilities and I discovered these sorts of things seemed only happened in my city. I'm not a patron saint and I may have snapped back at other musicians when I was being accosted or insulted, but I was for the most part a pacifist and just wanted to play music, get paid, go home, and be left alone. I wasn't looking for any fights or anything like that.

But it seems these hostilities were only unique to my city, and my university. I looked back and asked myself if I was the cause of all of this, but the best thing I can think of is people for some reason felt threatened by my playing style that consists of 80% block chords and 15% single notes, and maybe 5% octaves. I don't like single notes other than for bass notes or passing notes between chords. I love the rich sound of chords. Of course if there was a gig where the pianist was comping very busily, I'd swallow my pride and play octaves and some single notes during my solo to adjust to the contextual bandstand situation so it wasn't like I was forcing this down people's throats on the bandstand.

[JazzerEU]

I decided this morning that by not playing your guitar you're avoiding your true self and then using the dirtbags in your past as an excuse, or perhaps setting that experience up as a mental barrier to your enjoyment of guitar. You wouldn't be here if the english degree was cutting it for you. It's like prayer. Many times we don't want to pray, or don't "feel" like praying, but we do anyways because it is core to our existence. That you went thru university and put up with all that tells me guitar was core to yours and you're leaving a void in your soul somewhere by avoiding. Play guitar, overcome all the haters.

Let me so bold as to suggest you just hit some jams and be the chillest hot licks player in the room looking for other chill dudes to jam with. You don't need any of them so any jerks can be casually ignored. See how your love returns when you surround yourself with good people who appreciate you for you and play for the love of it first and foremost.

Thanks for the advice man, I do forget that there is someone great up in high places looking out for us in troubling times.

[JimmyDunlop]

what city in the US?

[JazzerEU]

what city in the US?

I cannot name this city for fear of retribution against myself or my family in the chance that someone in this forum is a member of or connected to someone of this city. It’s one of the large cities in the US that have slashed police funding leading to high rates of crime and lawlessness.